Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
