You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
