Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
