thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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