I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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