I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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