no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
