I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
