i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
