found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
