Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
