At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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