Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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