She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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