I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
