this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
