Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
