It's Friday. Sex?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
