i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
