It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
