end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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