I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
