I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
