I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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