Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
