Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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