where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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