Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
