Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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