Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
