So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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