I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
