Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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