it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
