Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
