Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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