wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
