I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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