Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
