He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
