You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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