I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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