if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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