That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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