He uses pillows to masturbate.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
