Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
