Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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