awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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