I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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