I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
