so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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