I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
