Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
